The one thing that I cannot say that I don't I love is . . .well love.  I'm such a romantic that even I have to roll my eyes at myself and say, "Really? Stop acting like such a GIRL!"  Romance Novels (aka socially acceptable porn), RomComs, and even fanfiction (well the ones I read). . .all of these have to deal with love or I'm not interested.   But. . .even with all these romantic outlets I don't think there is any romance in the world.  All of these outlets are just for the delusioned and incurable romantics (which I think I recide in both).  Grand gestures such as Patrick Verona's in "Ten Things I Hate About You" when he sings to a huge crowd with a paid marching band backing him up just to win Kat's heart. . .this is all just a sham to get our (women's) hopes up for something that will never happen.  



I mayhap just be bitter about the fact that I will never have such grand gestures done for me.  Not that I would exactly relish in the fact that someone took the time to plan something anything elaborate just to impress me. . .well maybe not.  I guess it would depend on the situation. . .I digress.    I know for a fact that if I had to plan out a big, elaborate shindig that has the great potential of backfiring on me I wouldn't do it.  Than agian, I am a coward.  



I think the little gestures matter.  A surprise kiss (the cheek is the most prefered but a soft kiss to the lips is always welcomed as well), being held from behind, cuddling (yes I said cuddling damnit), holding hands, and the sweetest gesture of all (well in my book at least) is when a guy brushes a girl's hair behind her ear.  It is a simple (and yes, if done wrong a little awkward), yet very important gesture to make.   It reminds the girl why she loves you, and it makes her feel loved and beautiful.   And for wallflowers like me, being made to feel beautiful is a feat in itself.



Big gestures?  Big fucking huge teddy bears, insane amounts of chocolate, and big, stiffy restaurants that could wipe out Denzel Washington's bank accounts. . .all of these are nice, don't get me wrong but everyonce a while is good for me.  And I know there are women out there going, "GURL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? I WANT BIG FANCY SHIT ALL THE TIME!"  Well, to those women. . .bully for you.  I'm in the frame of mind that if you do something for me I need to do something equally back to you.   So if you take me to a very expensive restaurant, I'll feel a wee bit guilty if I'm oblige to pay the bill but if its one time out a couple monthes then its a gift that shouldn't be looked at too closely.   But if it's every single day, I  would start hyperventilating about how I'm going to make it up to this person.  



Oh, don't get me started on the Three Big Ones.  If said too early these precious words become dismal and meaningless.  Most likely because you said it thinking you meant it but then it hits you that you didn't mean this words at all.  Or you said them just make the other person feel wanted when in all reality you are doing them a great disservice.  



Marriage.  Bah, it's such a farce.  I don't believe in it for a second.  I've seen too many relationships, not just marriages, go to hell that I can't believe that the 'power of love' will make a relationship work by itself.  And those of you who think such bullocks. . .you are kidding yourself.  A relationship has to be with two people that respect each other enough that they will try to at least listen to each other, because if they don't then tensions will rise.  And once the tensions builds too much. . .divorce.  That's why I, myself, don't believe I will ever get married.  I don't see any gain from it.  Not really.   I have a bleak out look on marraige of you have not noticed by now.   It's just long drawn out process that will end with anyother drawn out process of seperation.  



But. . .but. . .-sigh- The incurable romantic in my though fights that marriage, to the right person, is totally worth it.  But that the problem ain't it?  You never really know who the right person is.



-Sigh- Another winded preach from me.  -sigh-